Here is the humbly jumbly, multi-coloured quilt. Quilted, edged, finished, laundered and drying. It's huge and it's taken ages.
Onto blessings. They may not seem so, but we've really got to count them some times. Dearly Beloved is on his way to Plymouth to collect our twenty five year old son. He/son had a bad day yesterday and buried the third of his friends who had committed suicide. All of those beautiful young men were highly academic, had brilliant futures, came from loving families but found nothing in this world worth living for. We've had a rough week all round, a midnight dash to look after our daughter whose behaviour was so concerning that her flat mates rang us. She spent the night with us shouting, ranting at the world, crying until collapsing with total exhaustion at five in the morning. I spend many many hours convincing her, or trying to, that life is worth living.
We live in a world crammed full of expectations. We are supposed to be aspirational! Young people are supposed to 'achieve their full potential'. Like a lot of parents, I brought my children up to do well, to try hard and to do their best. If I could do it all again, I would tell them it's all bollocks! Do what you want, be happy, lay bricks, walk dogs, grow runner beans, love people and be happy with what ever you have. Tonight, home will be my son's soft place to fall, where his mum and him will sit down and talk about all the blessings worth living for. That young man's family are much in our prayers and I pray that the young man can find the peace in death that he never found in life.
Until tomorrow,
Love Froogs xxx
41 comments:
It's wonderful your son made contact and wants to be with you.
It's wonderful your daughter has housemates willing to call you.
It's wonderful you are there for them. Not all mums have A Mothers Love. But you do and I love reading about it.
I'm enrolling my daughter in dance and circus and theatre and music because I want her to have lots of fun. I will find the money somehow or barter for the classes if possible.
I'm trying to not brain wash her with the work hard philosophy that we tend to teach kids - because really, work hard is not what I want for her.
Maybe work smarter (having smart knowledge what to do with her time and money) and most important work happy. Because I have worked hard most of my life and it means nothing much.
I love the colours of your quilt. It's very fruit salad pretty.
Having had a wonderful young man in our family decide in July that he no longer wished to be part of this world this post really resonated with me- tragically this time he left behind a beautiful wife and two children under 4
Sarah
So sad to hear of your son's bereavement. I am in total agreement with you about the unreal expectations put on young people now. I just want to hug these kids and say 'we love you, we care about YOU - not your exam grades, or the money you earn, or the job you do' Relationships matter, having time to care for each other matters...
Yes there will be tough times- but we need to teach our kids to hang on, and to trace the rainbows through the rain.
Sounds like you are busy Being A Great Parent right now [so tiring!] - my prayers are with you and your family this weekend.
blessings and hugs x
It's so wonderful to read your caring posts about your family, I wish there were more loving mothers like yourself.
My own mother walked out on me when I was seven and left me in the care of strangers. I never saw her again (she died in 97). I sometimes wonder if my life would have worked out any better if she had brought me up.
Keep on with the hugs and brilliant advice, you're a mum in a million.
L xx
In your arms is one of the best places I know to be when I am at my lowest ebb.
If anyone can help just by their inner acceptance calm and loving kindness, it is you.
Ah, you know the rest - today the world doesn't need to. xxxxxxxx
My thoughts are with you and yours at this sad time. As always your words are wise and profound, as a society we do put too much pressure on young people by encouraging them into "being somebody and getting on".
There will be nothing better for your son than a mother's words and family love.
I worry that my son does too much he has a demanding job in London, a house and a wedding to plan for in less than 3 months.
Gorgeous quilt love the colours.
What a bargain with your meat, there is sure to be something tasty whipped up in Froog's kitchen, happy eating !!
Kathy x
"Do what you want, be happy, lay bricks, walk dogs, grow runner beans, love people and be happy with what ever you have" is such great advice. Love is all that matters. It is better to be content than to be happy.
My heart goes out to your son, losing a third friend, and I am so glad that your daughter's flatmates were able to call you.
Sometimes life just sucks! I come from a family with a high incidence of suicide so know and understand what your son is going through and how hard it is having to cope in these situations. Thinking of you all. Take care.
Thinking of you and your family. It is wonderful that you are there with love and care.
Love from Mum
xx
Oh dear, it is sad that life is so hard for young people nowadays. Agree with you, far too much emphasis is placed on expectations.
A very good friend of mine took his own life 3 years ago following various things that happened in his life, not with him but with a partner and that changed what he had wanted in his life. He just couldn't cope with it, despite having lots of friends, so many that twice the number were outside the crem chapel as inside. Any one of them would have been only too happy to do whatever they could to help, me included, he used to text me often telling me of his distress. Still we couldn't do what was necessary.
Yes, the main thing in life is to be content with what you have and be happy, never mind what anyone else has got! Thoughts are with your son and daughter.
It's hard to understand what a person must have thought before commiting suicide. I think today's world is much too fast for a lot of people and we all need to slow down.
Just love your quilt, the colours are gorgeous. Well done,
Gill in Canada
Oh Froogs. Love and hugs to all of you. x
So sorry to hear of your son & daughter's troubles at the moment.
You are a wonderful mum, always there and ready to drop everything for them. Your love for them shines through. I pray that they will be comforted and strengthened whilst they are with you
so sad....
So very sad. My prayers are with you and your family, as everyone said before they are lucky to have you. Life is very tough these days especially for the young ones. I see it in the junior school I work in. So many expectations. So many adverts, unsuitable tv, parents who just let their children who are far too young, watch things they shouldn't. I will stop there. Your quilt is very beautiful and you are too.
Your children are so fortunate to have you there to support and love them. This is such a difficult time for young people. As you say, all those expectations we gave them as teachers and parents, and now the working world has no place for so many of them.
Your quilt is lovely. Life affirming colours on a grey winter`s day.
All so beautifully said. It is beyond sad when young people take their own lives. It is the end to so many hopes and dreams their families had for them. I to hope it is the beginning of a far more satisfying life in the next world.
We are always parents no matter how old our children are. Your kids are lucky to have you as their mom.
May this next week be more peaceful for you and DB.
You have my prayers.
Dear, I just find your blog and kindly pls let me tell you that I think it is wonderful!
I cannot stop reading. I really look up to your canniness and all the very good advices you give us. Thank you so much and please stay just the way you are! Hugs Nicolexxx
N.B. I feel really sorry to hear of your son and daughter's troubles
hugs, hugs and more hugs!! what a touching post..........it made me cry xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Froogs
I think many mothers around the world are concerned about this. Our kids live in a world of change. They are exposed to such disparity....the media is always telling them what they should have, should do, should be!! Then they have these role models pushed upon them...people that are living lifestyles well beyond anyones means.
As parents we can just always be there to support. This is hard because life for our kids is going to be very different to what we had growing up. Some parts may be much easier but many lots harder. Many have not even been invented!!!
Froogs, you and hubby sound like good, solid people. Your kids know you are there for them always. That is the most important thing in their lives....just being there :)
In my darkest moments, I wish that I had had a mother like you. I hope to be the mother to my children that my mother never was to me. I hope to guide them through this cruel and somethimes desolate world with love, humour and as you always say, a soft place to land.
Remain strong, as your children will never stop needing you.
Take care.
We have had a time like that lately. A run of tragic things actually. I agree with your comments. It's made me want to help out the girls more with money even though it will mean we have to cut back for ourselves a bit more. I want them to budget and learn to live within their means, to know what is a want and a need. So I try to stand back and let them 'learn' but I'll tell you, giving a gift of money towards a quality pair of shoes today was so worth the joy it gave! They will learn and in the meantime it's good to see them smile. Life is too short for regrets.
How terribly sad - thinking of you x
The quilt is STUNNING. I envy your eye for colour! xx
How terribly terribly sad. How the world is changing and making the young so down hearted.
Your son and daughter know they are safe with you. warmly ensconced in your home.
Beaming positives thoughts to you all.
Such a sad post. But I am glad for your children that they have you. And I am glad for you that you have your Dearly Beloved.
I am really hoping your daughter feels better very soon and my heart goes out to your son too.
Sending love. x
How terribly terribly sad. How the world is changing and making the young so down hearted.
Your son and daughter know they are safe with you. warmly ensconced in your home.
Beaming positives thoughts to you all.
What a very sad post Froogs. Sounds as if you are wonderful parents and there will be nothing better for your son than spending time in the bosom of his family knowing he is loved. Hope your daughter too, will be soon be feeling more positive about life.
Sending caring thoughts your way.
I love that quilt. It would make me smile every time I walked in the room.
I'm so sorry to hear about your son's friends. So sorry. Life is truly hard, but God is good. . . but it's hard to believe. . . but it's true. Oy.
phew! deep breath....
I dont have any close people who have taken their lives so its really outside of my experience totally, cant imagine the pain. phew!
and,
I do love the quilt, very much my kind of colours :)
keep strong (of course you will)xx
My daughter has been suffering this week too- her 17 year old friend was found dead in bed by his mum on Friday 13th. He'd gone to sleep on Thursday night, having revised for his AS Maths exam , and never woke up. The ' adult' version of a cot death- his funeral was held on Friday.She has needed much love and support this week , and it's so difficult for her - it's almost too much for me as an adult to comprehend, how can a 16 year old hope to? But love and support is what I can do, always have and always will.While other parents were fussing about how good the SATs results were when they were choosing a school, I was more interested in finding somewhere that my girls would be happy, where the staff would care for them and know them as individuals. I only ever hoped for health and happiness for them - anything else was a bonus.People measure success in terms of wealth- the car they drive, the house they live in, the holidays they take , the clothes they wear. Until that stops happening, tragedies such as young people taking their own lives because they feel they have 'failed' somehow, will continue to happen.
Your quilt is truly beautiful and your kids are both very lucky to have such a caring mum. It must be so awful for your son to lose so many friends like that. Such a waste of young lives.
Pain suffered by our children is the worst pain we will ever feel. We can't make them immune but we can insulate them against it with a loving upbringing and approving of who they are (even if we can't always approve of what they do!). Sounds like you are both doing a great job insulating your children, whatever the world throws at them.
Have been thinking of you all and praying for you too. Reading through the comments makes me value all the good things in life even more.
Your quilt is lovely. Keep on posting and thanks for sharing- your bog is brilliant because it's full of real life not just edited highlights! Love Penny Lxx
am sure you are telling your children now, to do what they want and be happy and all of that. my son i4 and it hit home that. I have yet to face the future of all he has to face. reight now he is as happy as larry and not having to deal wiht it all. I so want to convey what you have said in this post to him. life is a funny old beast. how can we best help our children? sending hope and love to you and yours. x
Both my sons have lost their best friends, my eldest sons friend committed suicide. They were like brothers, he was my sons best man and now he watches his wedding dvd over and over just to see his friend. He is at a low ebb himself at the moment, the only thing we can do as Mums is to let let them know we are there for them....he knows this thank goodness, as your son does too.
My younger sons friend went in hospital with a virus and never came out dying in his sleep after 3days, the whole rugby team (of which he was a member) was absolutely traumatised.
Too many young deaths, too much pressure, too many expectations. The best we can do is to tell them to take life one day at a time, to always turn to family or friends in their hour of need and to let them know over and over that they are loved and that all we want from them in return is love, and for them to find happiness.
Sue xx
So sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my brother the same way 14 years ago. Give your son extra cuddles from me in australia. I love your quilt the bright colours would always bring a smile to your face when your snug under it.
I Love that!
If I could do it all again, I would tell them it's all bollocks!
But mostly I love what follows after that.
My Big bro lived as a struggling musicians for a few years and I couldn't have been more proud. My mum amd sis, however were at him to 'get a proper job'.
I was sad when he did.
But.. He seems to be happy in his job, doing his music in his spare time.
I will be telling my children to be happy and try their best (try everything once), in that order. I think that will be enough?
Oh and I LOVE your quilt! Feeling mighty inspired!! and I have never quilted before.
Wow - all the best with your children! I have two (and a half) toddlers and your final paragraph about just letting them be happy rather than pushing too hard really resonated. Thank-you :)
Hello Froogs - I've been lurking around your blog for a while now. This post has de-lurked me. My own children are 11 and 13.The thought of ushering them through the next few years into adulthood, to help them navigate through the world's expectations with equanimity and resilience, is quite daunting to me. I know there will be lots of painful lessons along the way, butpray that they come out the other side with the thought that life is indeed worth living.
What a sad reflection of modern society when intelligent young people can't find anything worth living for.
I think the money-grubbers and corporate greed have a lot to answer for.
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